“Christmas is a box of tree ornaments that have become part of the family.”— Charles M. Schulz8. — Stephen King32. ”Let’s be naughty and save Santa the trip.” — Gary Allan3. “Christmas is the season when you buy this year’s gifts with next year’s money.” — Unknown45. I receive a lot of wonderful presents I can’t wait to exchange.” — Henny Youngman11. “There’s something about a Christmas sweater that will always make me laugh.” — Kristen Wiig27. “Next to a circus there ain’t nothing that packs up and tears out faster than the Christmas spirit.” — Frank McKinney Hubbard43. Mother took me to see him in a department store, and he asked for my autograph. Visit people once a year. And also go in mid-December.” — Louis C.K.64. “Christmas is the season when people run out of money before they run out of friends.” — Larry Wilde — 79. “I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. “Aren’t we forgetting the true meaning of Christmas? ” ― Bill Watterson36. But if the white runs out, I’ll drink the red.” — Unknown94. Yeah, but thanks for the socks!

He must be a pacifist. Either way, these funny Christmas quotes are sure to bring good tidings to you and your kin and help get you into the holiday spirit. “I never get to see Santa Claus come down the chimney because I always get too tired and fall asleep from eating all his cookies while waiting for him. Mature, responsible grown men wear neckties made of holly leaves and drink alcoholic beverages with raw egg yolks and cottage cheese in them.” — P.J. Thanks for signing up! People passing each other on the street would say ‘Merry Christmas!’ or ‘Happy Hanukkah!’ or (to the atheists) ‘Look out for the wall!’” ― Dave Barry30. Only an accountant understands the real meaning of Christmas. ”Christmas: It’s the only religious holiday that’s also a federal holiday. So, it was my job to pull the preying mantis pods off of the Christmas trees. ”This past Christmas, I told my girlfriend for months in advance that all I wanted was an Xbox. But if you’re not in a festive mood just yet, this list of 100 funny Christmas Share these funny holiday quotes with your friends and 1. They’ll go great with my sandals. These 100 Funny Christmas Quotes will Inspire Santa-Worthy Laughs You seem to be logged out. “Santa Claus has the right idea. “A lovely thing about Christmas is that it’s compulsory, like a thunderstom, and we all go through it together.” — Garrison Keillor83. “I haven’t taken my Christmas lights down. “Dear Santa, before I explain, how much do you know already?” — Unknown84. Incorrect email or username/password combination. “I’m only a morning person on December 25th.” — Unknown88. ‘Good thinking,’ said Luna seriously.

”Christmas to a child is the first terrible proof that to travel hopefully is better than to arrive.” — Stephen Fry12. Funny Christmas wishes and messages I hope Santa leaves you plenty of presents, but I hope the reindeer do not leave behind any “presents” on your lawn! Without Jesus, no Christmas.” — Melanie White37. “Why is Christmas just like a day at the office? “I hate the radio this time of year because they play ‘All I Want For Christmas Is You’ like, every other song. “I grew up on a Christmas Tree Farm so this is a good season for me.

”I bought my brother some gift-wrap for Christmas. “You can’t fool me—there ain’t no Sanity Clause!” — Chico Marx24. “Nothing says holidays like a cheese log.” — Ellen Degeneres25. What other time of year do you sit in front of a dead tree in the living room and eat nuts and sweets out of your socks?” — Unknown72. And that’s just not enough. I had all the presents back at my apartment, I was halfway through wrapping them, and I realized, ‘Damn, I used the wrong wrapping paper.’ The paper I used said, ‘Happy Birthday.’ I didn’t want to waste it, so I just wrote ‘Jesus’ on it.” — Demetri Martin66. “I love Christmas.

And that’s just not enough.

”One good thing about Christmas shopping is it toughens you for the January sales.” — Grace Kriley54.

All I want for Christmas is my two front teeth.


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